so i finally got those damn jeans i have been pining over for months
i came to germany a 38 and now i am a 34 and i am feeling great about it.
it's surprising then, that i am sinking into one of my famous "don't want to see or talk to anyone" phases. tonight is a cool film festival/party that i am supposed to goto (actually i am supposed to be there now...) but i have no desire to be seen by other people. i am just not in the mood. i already asked someone go with me now and he's totally excited, so i have to go. i also ditched a cook out today under the pretense that i would actually show up to the film festival at 5, but ended up buying jeans and laying in bed updating lj.
i am also getting really excited about going back to nyc. i think it will be great to eat at vegetarian's paradise and hang out at dunkin doughnuts again with kati. i just hope that not every thing's changed since i've been gone.
i am reading this book that takes place on the east coast and in dc/baltimore area. it's cool because i have been there now a couple of times and in the book, they drive through MD and mention this town called haggerstown and i have been to the walmart AND the crocker barrel there! i even saw a cool pink shot gun at the walmart there.
my friend and i spent an amazing day stuffing our selves at a great brunch buffet, then walking around and ending up in a park on the river where we relaxed and dozed off in the sun and smoked. i love it here.
ok, i decided not to talk about news stuff here, but this iran situation is annoying me hard core. i just don't understand what their strategy is. the sailors were obviously in international waters. does anyone else thing this guy is fine though? he's been on the front page of cnn.com for the past week.
not really him, but his german twin brother. i made a (drunkin) fool of my self. haha. i was asking him if he knew the american apparel add and he had no idea what i was talking about.
so, i am now set to goto shanghai in june. i am mad excited. it's only for three weeks, but whatevs. i am thinking i will arrive in nyc from berlin on the 1st of june and then fly to shanghai on the 3rd then fly back to nyc on the 20th ish of june and then figure out whether i go back to berlin or stay in nyc. i guess it will all depend on how things are going. i am excited to go back to china finally. maybe i will hit up chicago? i don't know. the whole new york business is freaking me out 'cause i don't know who i will live with. i was looking at pics of my friend's place in queens and it's really nice, but it's the kind of place you move to when you have a bf and don't mind staying at home. being a homebody as i am, i feel like moving to queens on my own would be a death sentence for my social life. i was also thinking about park slope but i have the same fear as with queens. i guess i just need to get over my self.
today i hit up the barber and got a new haircut. the girl cutting my hair was like "you must be a hit with the ladies" i was like "yeah, unfortunately not exactly with the men... haha" not entirely true, but i have been having that feeling lately. then i hit up the american apparel and got some hot new shirts. black, green and blue. they are a size smaller than my old ones and i feel so much better wearing something that i am not swimming in. here's a beauty pic.
after much reflection, i have decided to once again pursue a non-heteronormative lifestyle.
my tendencies towards long term, monogamous, husband/wife style relationships will once again be challenged. working on a radical, terrorist, zombie porno film by an infamous provocateur hopefully will help in this endeavor.
i think a lot of my former relationship issues (with heinously repressed straight men and the likes) have derived from my inability to accept that as a homosexual, i am not going to get a picket fence, husband and 2 kids unless i sacrifice something intrinsically me.
i have obviously been reading too much of bruce's new book. tomorrow i am doing location crap, starting with an 11am call. it's the earliest appointment i have had in months. maybe it will be refreshing to have a full day's work? (yes, for me a full day's work is 11-5).
speaking of changes, i weighed my self for the first time in a few months. i have lost 30 pounds. i should be excited, but the anorexic in me is a little disappointed. convincing my self that my conversion between kilos and pounds will have to suffice to keep me sane. ha.
i got my book from bruce la bruce today with a little note written inside and i thought it was really sweet for him to include a few posters and flyers with it. i will write him a thank you note.
also in the post today, was my acceptance letter from NYU for graduate school! i am now terribly confused. ha.
tonight, i decided against going out for the "european club night" because my friends planned a full night of clubbing at 11 different places all around the city. after last night, i was in no condition do to this. instead, our house guest (who has to wake up at 9) and i decided to go for dinner and a coffee. well dinner went well, then at coffee, i ran into a british guy i know and he was like "i am meeting an american and he's taking me around, you guys should come". well we ended up hitting up 3 places, 2 of which i had never been to. they were awesome. both were on the second floor of random apt. buildings. the first place looked like a 70's russian diplomat lounge and they were playing east german big band music (that's the only way i know how to describe it). there were fabulous people everywhere. then we headed to this place in prenzlauerberg that was having it's last night ever. again, we walked up to a random apt. building, went up stairs and found a huge line of people waiting to get into what looked like a totally normal apartment. once in, it was literally like a hipster film out of the warhol days. hot photos in handmade light boxes, fucking hot as hell people with amazingly original fashion and hair styles and great music... it was a little overwhelming. you could tell that only "people in the know" went to this place. after getting mad sweaty there, we went to my favorite café, which also happens to be across the street from the brit's apt. there we hung out and drank orange juice and talked. it was amazing. what a great night. once again, it's almost 5 and i am just getting home. this time it was just supposed to be a nice dinner with a friend and ended up being a hipster paradise evening full of fabulous fashions and conversation. the best part of the night, was the way i obviously impressed my english speaking compatriot with my german. he's also fluent, but has a little accent. when we were all sitting and talking, it came out that i was american. everyone was confused and was asking me all sorts of questions "yes, but you were not born there, right?" "oh, but your parents are german, right?" "oh, but you moved here when you were very young?"... even though i know germans love to flatter foreigners german, it was still a special feeling and seeing the subtle impressed look on my friend was awesome. not all americans are stupid! (though my english could obviously use some work). anyway, he's fluent in french so we are meeting this week to have a french day. i am already excited.
so i hit up the king kong klub again tonight 'cause there was a party for "young european federalists" (whatever that means) that my roommate was going to. i had a good time dancing to the american hipster tunes, but was over it pretty soon once they started playing eminem. on my way out, i ran into the dude who wanted to do an exhibition for me, but who i never saw again.
i told him i was peacing while he apolgized for not contacting me. anyway, he followed me out side and proceeded to tell me all his plans for my exhibition. he'd looked at my site and was into my new nude self portraits (obvi) so we'll see what happens. he wants me to meet with these other 2 artists who are supposedly fab. anyway this meeting will supossedly take place in april...yeah. i have started to take all promises from men with a grain of salt! oh man, i guess i am finally becoming jaded. haha... not.
as soon as i have cash, this is what i am buying: hot. i spent the day re-reading the script, this time doing my job: looking for what props/set pieces we need for all of the scenes (there's a lot of scenes). i love my list. in addition to other things, it includes: guns, cigarettes, blood, guts, burning baseball bats, garbage heaps, old truck tires, a cane, a bouquet of white lillies, a super-8 camera and giant wall size projectors.
3 lj entries on one day usually indicate otherwise, but i actually accomplished a lot today... thank's balzac. i actually worked on my film. that in and of it's self is enough to write home about. i figure if i get this job i will probably be working 14 hour days so i'd better get on that shit. the lady at balzac was like "do you have a discount card?" and i was like "uh, no" and she gave me one and punched a bunch of holes in it cause she was like "i see you here a lot". nice, i get a free coffee soon. hopefully before the smoking ban on april 1.
i think i have a job? ok. not a job. it's an "internship" (i.e. they can't pay me right now, but maybe in the future). i had a pleasant and platonic chat with the art director on the phone. he said i sounded cool and asked me if i wanted to meet up for a coffee. i said "sure, if today's too much, i am flexible". he was like "awesome, why don't you come with me tomorrow to look at corpses and body parts for the film" and i was like "ok... maybe on the way you can tell me what this is all about! haha" and he laughed and said it was going to be a zombie film! omg! i am so fucking excited. bruce labruce + zombies = no idea what to expect... necrophelia? i hope the court of louis XIV rises from the dead and has a baroque orgie with an underground punk terrorist group in berlin. talk about hot costumes. ha
oh and guess what? my friend in the state dept. called me today to let me know that it's super easy to extend my visa. it might even be free! SWEET
i'm in an amazing mood despite having gone to literally THE MOST DEPRESSING gay bar i have ever seen with a friend tonight. they projected AbFab reruns on the wall, had a disco ball and were playing barry white. there were max 4 people there besides us at anyone time...including the bartender. my friend and i spent the whole time laughing at how depressing it was.
ok, this says happy new year 2007. i don't care.
i schrieked when i saw this.
UPDATE
wait, how could i forget this?! i got a call today from jürgen...the producer... the art director wants to meet me! omg. I CAN NOT WAIT to make my professional art direction debut making a porno film for bruce labruce. if there is a god, please make this happen. this would be literally the most hilarious thing to ever happen to me... ever. i have to call the homo tomorrow. i want to try and meet him for a drink instead of going back to that office. the pictures of naked men ejaculating were a little distracting.
let me just say: 2 am on my balcony with a cig an my ipod tuned to maneater has just given me the best feeling i have had in a long time.
in other news, in the event i get accepted in the graduate school of my choice, and i still feel like leaving this amazing city and her glorious people who have welcomed me with such warm arms, i have stumbled upon a more defined idea of what i want my field of study to be:
i am interested in deconstructing cultures and undoing the truths we hold about them. as derrida said: the word 'analysis' itself, which etymologically means "to undo". in this case, the analysis would focus on Chinese culture (i.e. language, lifestyle and history). deconstructing this vast amount of information into individual signifiers, like breaking down a molecule to it's atoms, through semiotic analysis, would shed light on the relationships between them.
this kind of approach would be interesting because it would be applying western tools to an eastern culture. i would be interested in how the western methodology would hold up against a culture that's not its own. as i am finishing up this post, i am talking with my mom now, who's a disgruntled semiotician who's gone corporate. let's see how i update about this tomorrow...ha
*****************UPDATE******************
talking with mom (still happening) for the past hour was encredible. she told me that to her knowledge, no one as attempted what i am interesting in pursuing, namely the marriage of deconstruction and semiotics. yes, i am excited. it's amazing when you realize your parents are really smart. like i know that my mom is well educated and has her own business, but she's my mom and i generally don't think of her as a professor or fountain of knowledge. i can talk to my mom about man drama, emotions, derrida, and poststructualist semiotic reading of intercultural exchange. oh mom. i miss you.
so as i exhaustedly reported at 6am, yesterday was awesome. i met some awesome guys and the club was amazing. they were playing perfect music and i have to say, i think it's awesome that in berlin the gay clubs are not exclusively men and the men that are there are diverse. this place had it all....
cool video installations photo boxes with awesome pics referencing galliano's "beat up chique" look
amazing music hot people who were nice (i know! i didn't think this existed)
AND
a great selection of drag queens. some of these girls were out of control hot. not the fat lady bunny types that we're used to in nyc. i am talking 6ft skinny bitches. it was unbelievable. as lame as this sounds, my favorite part was their show when 3 of them did a hilariously choreographed performance "maneater". i love that shit.
what's also hilarious is that i ran into a bunch of guys that i know through friends and stuff and it felt awesome cause the guy i was with assumed i am a lonely american who doesn't know anyone in berlin. oh yeah, and i think i am def on last night's party berlin style. this tranny was taking me and my friend's pic all night and i was like "why is that bitch following us" and he was like "oh cause we were on the list" haha.
yes, i just got home. why is it that whenever i go out in berlin i always get back at this time? all i can say is that the transportation system here sucks at night. it took me 30 mins to come home, 15 of which were spent waiting for the streetcar in the rain.
glad i went though. i definitely expanded my homo circle... ha
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figgitron1's journal
