孔翔雲

34 bitches

2007-05-19T15:37:55Z

so i finally got those damn jeans i have been pining over for months

i came to germany a 38 and now i am a 34 and i am feeling great about it.

it's surprising then, that i am sinking into one of my famous "don't want to see or talk to anyone" phases. tonight is a cool film festival/party that i am supposed to goto (actually i am supposed to be there now...) but i have no desire to be seen by other people. i am just not in the mood. i already asked someone go with me now and he's totally excited, so i have to go. i also ditched a cook out today under the pretense that i would actually show up to the film festival at 5, but ended up buying jeans and laying in bed updating lj.

i am also getting really excited about going back to nyc. i think it will be great to eat at vegetarian's paradise and hang out at dunkin doughnuts again with kati. i just hope that not every thing's changed since i've been gone.

figgitron1 @ 2007-05-16T20:16:00

2007-05-16T18:16:15Z

Your Drag Queen Name Is:

Ivana Dick

Drag Queen Name Generator

figgitron1 @ 2007-04-01T18:12:00

2007-04-01T16:19:45Z

i am reading this book that takes place on the east coast and in dc/baltimore area. it's cool because i have been there now a couple of times and in the book, they drive through MD and mention this town called haggerstown and i have been to the walmart AND the crocker barrel there! i even saw a cool pink shot gun at the walmart there.

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my friend and i spent an amazing day stuffing our selves at a great brunch buffet, then walking around and ending up in a park on the river where we relaxed and dozed off in the sun and smoked. i love it here.

iran

2007-03-31T12:16:22Z

ok, i decided not to talk about news stuff here, but this iran situation is annoying me hard core. i just don't understand what their strategy is. the sailors were obviously in international waters. does anyone else thing this guy is fine though? he's been on the front page of cnn.com for the past week.

guess who i met tonight

2007-03-31T00:01:58Z

not really him, but his german twin brother. i made a (drunkin) fool of my self. haha. i was asking him if he knew the american apparel add and he had no idea what i was talking about.

plans plans plans

2007-03-30T16:52:46Z

so, i am now set to goto shanghai in june. i am mad excited. it's only for three weeks, but whatevs. i am thinking i will arrive in nyc from berlin on the 1st of june and then fly to shanghai on the 3rd then fly back to nyc on the 20th ish of june and then figure out whether i go back to berlin or stay in nyc. i guess it will all depend on how things are going.
i am excited to go back to china finally. maybe i will hit up chicago? i don't know. the whole new york business is freaking me out 'cause i don't know who i will live with. i was looking at pics of my friend's place in queens and it's really nice, but it's the kind of place you move to when you have a bf and don't mind staying at home. being a homebody as i am, i feel like moving to queens on my own would be a death sentence for my social life. i was also thinking about park slope but i have the same fear as with queens. i guess i just need to get over my self.

new hair, new shirts

2007-03-29T21:56:03Z

today i hit up the barber and got a new haircut. the girl cutting my hair was like "you must be a hit with the ladies" i was like "yeah, unfortunately not exactly with the men... haha" not entirely true, but i have been having that feeling lately.
then i hit up the american apparel and got some hot new shirts. black, green and blue. they are a size smaller than my old ones and i feel so much better wearing something that i am not swimming in. here's a beauty pic.

consciously changing

2007-03-26T21:39:37Z

after much reflection, i have decided to once again pursue a non-heteronormative lifestyle.

my tendencies towards long term, monogamous, husband/wife style relationships will once again be challenged. working on a radical, terrorist, zombie porno film by an infamous provocateur hopefully will help in this endeavor.

i think a lot of my former relationship issues (with heinously repressed straight men and the likes) have derived from my inability to accept that as a homosexual, i am not going to get a picket fence, husband and 2 kids unless i sacrifice something intrinsically me.

i have obviously been reading too much of bruce's new book. tomorrow i am doing location crap, starting with an 11am call. it's the earliest appointment i have had in months. maybe it will be refreshing to have a full day's work? (yes, for me a full day's work is 11-5).

speaking of changes, i weighed my self for the first time in a few months. i have lost 30 pounds. i should be excited, but the anorexic in me is a little disappointed. convincing my self that my conversion between kilos and pounds will have to suffice to keep me sane. ha.

figgitron1 @ 2007-03-26T00:37:00

2007-03-25T22:42:39Z

i got my book from bruce la bruce today with a little note written inside and i thought it was really sweet for him to include a few posters and flyers with it. i will write him a thank you note.

also in the post today, was my acceptance letter from NYU for graduate school! i am now terribly confused. ha.

noch mal weg

2007-03-25T02:48:09Z

tonight, i decided against going out for the "european club night" because my friends planned a full night of clubbing at 11 different places all around the city. after last night, i was in no condition do to this. instead, our house guest (who has to wake up at 9) and i decided to go for dinner and a coffee. well dinner went well, then at coffee, i ran into a british guy i know and he was like "i am meeting an american and he's taking me around, you guys should come". well we ended up hitting up 3 places, 2 of which i had never been to. they were awesome. both were on the second floor of random apt. buildings. the first place looked like a 70's russian diplomat lounge and they were playing east german big band music (that's the only way i know how to describe it). there were fabulous people everywhere. then we headed to this place in prenzlauerberg that was having it's last night ever. again, we walked up to a random apt. building, went up stairs and found a huge line of people waiting to get into what looked like a totally normal apartment. once in, it was literally like a hipster film out of the warhol days. hot photos in handmade light boxes, fucking hot as hell people with amazingly original fashion and hair styles and great music... it was a little overwhelming. you could tell that only "people in the know" went to this place. after getting mad sweaty there, we went to my favorite café, which also happens to be across the street from the brit's apt. there we hung out and drank orange juice and talked. it was amazing.
what a great night. once again, it's almost 5 and i am just getting home. this time it was just supposed to be a nice dinner with a friend and ended up being a hipster paradise evening full of fabulous fashions and conversation. the best part of the night, was the way i obviously impressed my english speaking compatriot with my german. he's also fluent, but has a little accent. when we were all sitting and talking, it came out that i was american. everyone was confused and was asking me all sorts of questions "yes, but you were not born there, right?" "oh, but your parents are german, right?" "oh, but you moved here when you were very young?"... even though i know germans love to flatter foreigners german, it was still a special feeling and seeing the subtle impressed look on my friend was awesome. not all americans are stupid! (though my english could obviously use some work).
anyway, he's fluent in french so we are meeting this week to have a french day. i am already excited.

rein zufall

2007-03-24T02:07:57Z

so i hit up the king kong klub again tonight 'cause there was a party for "young european federalists" (whatever that means) that my roommate was going to. i had a good time dancing to the american hipster tunes, but was over it pretty soon once they started playing eminem. on my way out, i ran into the dude who wanted to do an exhibition for me, but who i never saw again.

i told him i was peacing while he apolgized for not contacting me. anyway, he followed me out side and proceeded to tell me all his plans for my exhibition. he'd looked at my site and was into my new nude self portraits (obvi) so we'll see what happens. he wants me to meet with these other 2 artists who are supposedly fab. anyway this meeting will supossedly take place in april...yeah. i have started to take all promises from men with a grain of salt! oh man, i guess i am finally becoming jaded. haha... not.

new jeans, new day

2007-03-23T15:40:25Z

as soon as i have cash, this is what i am buying:

hot.
i spent the day re-reading the script, this time doing my job: looking for what props/set pieces we need for all of the scenes (there's a lot of scenes). i love my list. in addition to other things, it includes: guns, cigarettes, blood, guts, burning baseball bats, garbage heaps, old truck tires, a cane, a bouquet of white lillies, a super-8 camera and giant wall size projectors.

figgitron1 @ 2007-03-21T22:12:00

2007-03-21T21:13:18Z

this woman on the view is so out of control. it's luda.

arbeit

2007-03-21T15:53:13Z

3 lj entries on one day usually indicate otherwise, but i actually accomplished a lot today... thank's balzac. i actually worked on my film. that in and of it's self is enough to write home about. i figure if i get this job i will probably be working 14 hour days so i'd better get on that shit. the lady at balzac was like "do you have a discount card?" and i was like "uh, no" and she gave me one and punched a bunch of holes in it cause she was like "i see you here a lot". nice, i get a free coffee soon. hopefully before the smoking ban on april 1.

ugh, i can't focus. someone come hit me.

and i thought my family was crazy

2007-03-21T12:43:37Z

i feel like this would be an awesome movie. no?

wait

2007-03-21T10:27:51Z

i think i have a job? ok. not a job. it's an "internship" (i.e. they can't pay me right now, but maybe in the future). i had a pleasant and platonic chat with the art director on the phone. he said i sounded cool and asked me if i wanted to meet up for a coffee. i said "sure, if today's too much, i am flexible". he was like "awesome, why don't you come with me tomorrow to look at corpses and body parts for the film" and i was like "ok... maybe on the way you can tell me what this is all about! haha" and he laughed and said it was going to be a zombie film! omg! i am so fucking excited. bruce labruce + zombies = no idea what to expect... necrophelia? i hope the court of louis XIV rises from the dead and has a baroque orgie with an underground punk terrorist group in berlin. talk about hot costumes.
ha

oh and guess what? my friend in the state dept. called me today to let me know that it's super easy to extend my visa. it might even be free!
SWEET

ha

2007-03-21T00:41:12Z

i'm in an amazing mood despite having gone to literally THE MOST DEPRESSING gay bar i have ever seen with a friend tonight. they projected AbFab reruns on the wall, had a disco ball and were playing barry white. there were max 4 people there besides us at anyone time...including the bartender. my friend and i spent the whole time laughing at how depressing it was.

ok, this says happy new year 2007. i don't care.

i schrieked when i saw this.

UPDATE

wait, how could i forget this?! i got a call today from jürgen...the producer... the art director wants to meet me! omg. I CAN NOT WAIT to make my professional art direction debut making a porno film for bruce labruce. if there is a god, please make this happen. this would be literally the most hilarious thing to ever happen to me... ever. i have to call the homo tomorrow. i want to try and meet him for a drink instead of going back to that office. the pictures of naked men ejaculating were a little distracting.

maneater

2007-03-19T01:59:16Z

let me just say: 2 am on my balcony with a cig an my ipod tuned to maneater has just given me the best feeling i have had in a long time.

in other news, in the event i get accepted in the graduate school of my choice, and i still feel like leaving this amazing city and her glorious people who have welcomed me with such warm arms, i have stumbled upon a more defined idea of what i want my field of study to be:

i am interested in deconstructing cultures and undoing the truths we hold about them. as derrida said: the word 'analysis' itself, which etymologically means "to undo". in this case, the analysis would focus on Chinese culture (i.e. language, lifestyle and history). deconstructing this vast amount of information into individual signifiers, like breaking down a molecule to it's atoms, through semiotic analysis, would shed light on the relationships between them.

this kind of approach would be interesting because it would be applying western tools to an eastern culture. i would be interested in how the western methodology would hold up against a culture that's not its own. as i am finishing up this post, i am talking with my mom now, who's a disgruntled semiotician who's gone corporate. let's see how i update about this tomorrow...ha

*****************UPDATE******************

talking with mom (still happening) for the past hour was encredible. she told me that to her knowledge, no one as attempted what i am interesting in pursuing, namely the marriage of deconstruction and semiotics. yes, i am excited. it's amazing when you realize your parents are really smart. like i know that my mom is well educated and has her own business, but she's my mom and i generally don't think of her as a professor or fountain of knowledge. i can talk to my mom about man drama, emotions, derrida, and poststructualist semiotic reading of intercultural exchange. oh mom. i miss you.

it's your birthday

2007-03-18T19:37:48Z

so as i exhaustedly reported at 6am, yesterday was awesome. i met some awesome guys and the club was amazing. they were playing perfect music and i have to say, i think it's awesome that in berlin the gay clubs are not exclusively men and the men that are there are diverse. this place had it all....

cool video installations
photo boxes with awesome pics referencing galliano's "beat up chique" look

amazing music
hot people who were nice (i know! i didn't think this existed)

AND

a great selection of drag queens. some of these girls were out of control hot. not the fat lady bunny types that we're used to in nyc. i am talking 6ft skinny bitches. it was unbelievable. as lame as this sounds, my favorite part was their show when 3 of them did a hilariously choreographed performance "maneater". i love that shit.

what's also hilarious is that i ran into a bunch of guys that i know through friends and stuff and it felt awesome cause the guy i was with assumed i am a lonely american who doesn't know anyone in berlin. oh yeah, and i think i am def on last night's party berlin style. this tranny was taking me and my friend's pic all night and i was like "why is that bitch following us" and he was like "oh cause we were on the list" haha.

so lists exist here too.

omg. yes it's 6am

2007-03-18T04:55:15Z

yes, i just got home.
why is it that whenever i go out in berlin i always get back at this time?
all i can say is that the transportation system here sucks at night. it took me 30 mins to come home, 15 of which were spent waiting for the streetcar in the rain.

glad i went though. i definitely expanded my homo circle...
ha

club again

2007-03-17T20:43:26Z

so i am going to the club again. i have to say, i like going out now, but i still sometimes get nervous. i am meeting up with this guy i have been chilling with. i haven't met his friends before and i am meeting them tonight and that always makes me a bit nervous. the house guest situation is getting a little out of control, especially since none of my roommates are here.

i have to say that i am not feeling going clubbing tonight, but so is that life of someone trying to integrate and makes friends. i need to expand my homo friend circle, so i guess this will be a good opportunity. i also need to expand my non-politician friend circle and this guy assured me that he and his friends have nothing to do with politcs. that sure will be a refreshing change of pace.

i hung out with a friend from home yesterday and today and it was nice. it's making me question my desire to stay. i feel like i am living in a dream world and that "my real life" is back in nyc. i guess the key is approaching this as my real life and trying to get a job (goal this week). it was weird hanging out with new yorkers again.

I <3 Eurovision

2007-03-16T10:48:59Z

keeping up with my e. european theme, check out ukrain's 2007 eurovision song contest entry

i am in love

envious

2007-03-15T23:59:34Z

i have to say, i am upset that i am not european. there's a political delegation staying at my house this week (6 in total) of young green party members cause there's some kind of big meeting happening here in berlin.

sitting around the table with people from bulgaria, holland, belgium, poland and germany talking about political issues is amazing and i feel like i am not a part of it in some way. these people have amazing opportunities to get involved in international politics and really have an impact on the development of policy and the future of their countries and europe. compared to the political apathy of american youth caused by our 2 party dictatorship, these people are so motivated and really seem to believe that what they are doing is important. i want that. i want to feel like what i have to say might actually make a difference. i want to believe that the situation in america is not hopeless and that america is not actually run by the corporate institutions that wield so much power.

eastern block invasion

2007-03-14T22:26:18Z

as always, we have a lot of visitors this week/end. in addition to the polish guy coming to visit, there's a bulgarian guy who came tonight named "olgy" and a guy from belgium as well.

tonight olgy was showing us how he was on bulgarian national television and it was so cool to hear the language. i love it. i was thinking how amazing it would be to learn a slavic language. i love the way it seems slurred together and the "zjhh" sound. i am probably going to end up going either to turkey or the netherlands at some point before heading back to the states in a few months. if i goto the netherlands, i am definitely buying a book on dutch. i know that with a little practice, i could rock that language. i already love the sound of it and that's key.

tomorrow i have a lot of crap to do and i must say, i am not in the mood. it's now the goal of my roommate to find me a job here and if i don't find one, she says she will marry me. that way i can stay. ha. (wait, i think she's serious).

midwesterner 100%

2007-03-14T11:17:47Z

in the long tradition of men in my family, i am now reading a tom clancy novel. whenever i visit my grandparents during the winter at their mobie home in florida, my grandpa can always be found reading a tom clancy book and drinking a beer.

i picked one up at the "library" at my gym. it, and another tom clancy book were the only english books available at the time and i have to say, i'm totally into it. maybe it's in the genes.

in other news, my polish friend is coming to visit this weekend. i am excited. it's so strange how all my friends in europe are hardcore political. this guy is an aldermann in warsaw. random. ha. i don't remember if i mentioned this, but i've been hanging out with a friend of mine who i hadn't seen in 6-7 years. i met her in paris when i living there. she's now back in berlin and works in the state department. why? i have to say that i have only one friend who's not totally into politics and i get excited to hang out with him because usually conversations with other friends always lead to politics and since they're actual politicians, they are way more informed than me and are also trained in making their point seem unarguable. we've been talking a lot lately about nuclear energy. i feel ignorant, but at the same time, i feel like a limited reliance on nuclear power is not a bad thing, compared to some other options out there. of course wind, solar and other renewable sources should be developed, but i feel like we should explore all of our options. of course my green party crew lashes out with all sorts of totally ligit arguments against it, but i am not fully convinced.

something striking to take into account though, is how little we americans were affected by chernobyle. i was talking with my host mom while i was an exchange student and she was telling me how they were told not to let their children out of the house and how they basically had to camp out until the cloud of toxic nuclear debris had fully passed over germany.

this is another one of those instances where the difference in opinion between germans and americans can be boiled down to experience. iraq and afgahnistan are similar issues. the majority german people and political parties hold pacifism to be a tenant of modern germany. given the modern history of germany, the reason for this is obvious.

i just have a hard time filtering through the opinions and trying to develop my own. i am not german, and do not have these experiences to shape my outlook. at the same time, i have lived intimately (hah, understatement) with germans and can not ignore them.